Marriage Moment #4 - happily or death parting

Have you ever asked yourself, “Why do so many marriages fail?” We live in the greatest country the world has ever known that has everything at its fingertips, yet we can’t figure out a great recipe for a healthy successful marriage! Why? Are we not capable enough to figure it out? Could it be that a big part of the problem is our misconstrued view of marriage? We have romanticized marriage and have changed our focus in marriage. We have left the thought of ‘til death do us part’. Of course ‘til death do us part’ sounds so…‘Old Fashioned, out-dated and it sounds like something my grandparents believed in! This is the millennium age – come on’ And now we have grasped on to ‘happily ever after.’ As long as you are happy and I am happy, we will stay together. As long as you enjoy being married to the man or woman of your dreams it is worth sticking it out together. But as soon as the ‘happily ever after’ has worn off the ‘feelings’ has worn off also. So off we go to the next guy or girl to fulfill our deepest dreams. Isn’t this the real heart of the issue?
Okay, so ask yourself another question: “Where is the line in your marriage?” You know the line in the sand that if your spouse would cross it, your marriage would be over in your mind, hopeless and helpless. If you have a line, you have adopted the conditional ‘happily ever after’ view. If you answered, “there is no line in the sand when it comes to my spouse,” then you have adopted the ‘til death do us part’ view. So do you know what view your spouse has adopted? It might be a great time for you and your spouse to spend some time re-evaluating your view of marriage. Will you join the many who are seeking to make a difference in this world by bringing back the true focus of marriage? I invite you to join with us at First Christian Church where we are “Seeking First” in every area of our lives and especially in our marriages. Seeking God’s view of marriage for our best.

Marriage Moment #3 - forgiveness

Marriage is a place where forgiveness is shines! That shouldn’t seem like such an odd statement, but it is, isn’t it? Why is marriage sometimes the last place forgiveness is given? Have you ever been angry with your spouse because of something they did or did not do? Well yes, who hasn’t? But maybe a better question is: Have you refused to let go of the anger and forgive your spouse no matter what he or she has done? Often we tend to believe the lie that if we are angry enough; long enough our spouse will come to their senses and earn their right back into our graces. The problem is we are seeking to forgive conditionally, saying “I will forgive you if…” The problem is this forgiveness is based on your spouse acting as you think. You cannot expect someone else to think and act like you do even if that someone is your spouse! Many times their action never takes place, so we hold on to our un-forgiveness which brings anger that eventually turns into bitterness.
We also believe that our refusing to forgive is imprisoning our spouse. This is the furthest thing from the truth. Michele Weiner-Davis, says in her (internet) article on “Forgiveness in Marriage,” “Lack of forgiveness imprisons you. It takes its toll on your physical and emotional health. It keeps you stuck in the deepest of relationship ruts. No matter how justified you feel about your point of view regarding your partner's insensitive behavior, you still are miserable. When you wake up each morning, a gray tint shadows your life. You walk around with a low-grade depression. You can't feel joy because you're too busy being angry or feeling disappointed.” Some can relate all to well to the description of misery can’t you? So what are you going to do about it?
In his book Getting rid of the Gorilla, Brian Jones defines forgiveness as ‘release’. When we ‘release’ our spouse we really release ourselves from the prison that we actually built. We build prisons when we don’t forgive and our homes become a place where our spouse (and children) doesn’t want to be. Don’t you want to be free? Don’t you want to be released from the prison you find yourself in? Step up and forgive today. Call your spouse right now and let them know you are sorry for being un-forgiving! If you are interested in the greatest forgiveness ever, why not visit us on Sunday morning?

Marriage Moment #2 - Choices

There are so many choices in life. Do you realize how many choices you make in one day alone? I get to choose my cell phone plan. I get to choose which cell phone is “best for me.” I get to choose what I eat for each meal. I get to choose if I want to eat that meal at home or at a restaurant. I get to choose what I wear (whether it matches or not!) I choose whether or not I want to put a purchase on my credit card or wait until I have the money to buy it ‘the old-fashioned-way.’ I choose what time I get up in the morning. I choose what kind of coffee I want to drink or not drink. I choose if I want to go to work. I choose what I want to do for a living. I choose to be in a good mood or not each day I wake up. I choose how I will treat my kids when I see them first thing in the morning. I choose who I want to marry. And I choose if I want to stay married or not!
Marriage is a constant choice! I wake up each and every day and choose to love my wife (after all she has put up with me for all these years.) But what if I decided not to love her for part of the day, would that make a difference? You bet it would. When I choose to love my wife each day, I choose not look online at inappropriate pictures. When I choose to love my wife each day, I choose not to entertain impure thoughts. When I choose to love my wife each day, I choose to look away when things get flashed across the T.V. screen during half-time of the football game. When I choose to love my wife each day, I choose to battle the world around me. Today, I choose to love my wife – I choose go to battle! What about you? Are you ready to choose? Are you ready to battle? Marriage is at war – I am ready!
As long as we are talking about choosing, how about choosing which church to attend? How about choosing Jesus as the ultimate choice? Why not come and see what God is doing at FCC and ‘choose’ whether or not you agree with who we are and how we live? It might just be the RIGHT CHOICE to bless you marriage! God has made the ultimate choice – and HE chooses you! Why not check HIM out?

Marriage Moment #1

Have you ever noticed that many people have marital problems? Is yours one? No matter what difficulties you might be facing in your marriage, you can still have success with your mate! But it does take an incredible amount determination and sweat to be not just a surviving marriage but a thriving marriage. When every one else is fighting and threatening the “D” word (divorce) you and your spouse can enjoy a marriage that lasts the rest of your lives. Want to know how to have this type of marriage?
It all starts with good communication! It seems so elementary, so why not give it a try? Good communication is the key in 90% of happily married couples (National Survey on Marital Strengths by David H. Olson & Amy K. Olson-Sigg (2000).) When you experience times in your marriage where things don’t seem to be connecting with your spouse there is a communication break-down. The simply steps are to 1.) sit down (after cooling down.) 2.) state your thoughts and feelings in a condense version. 3.) have your spouse repeat back to you EXACTLY what you said. If your spouse can do this without summarizing what they “know you really mean when you say _________” then you are on your way to healthy communication. If your spouse cannot accurately summarize what you said and meant then the communication problem has surfaced its ugly head! You might need to bring in a third party to help mediate through the steps to get you on the right track. Above all – have fun with your communication and grow in this relationship together! Look for more marriage moments soon.