Sunday, December 6, 2009

Marriage Moment #7 - Temptations

Temptations, they are everywhere. How in the world can I avoid them? Why in the world would I want to avoid them? And is it possible to avoid temptations or is it a worthless fight? When it comes to my marriage it is very important to know whether or not I can resist. The world around you and I, tries to convince us that the lie is true. What lie? The lie that says, I am just like an animal. The lie that says, I cannot resist temptations that come before me especially the temptations against my marriage. Basically, the lie says that I cannot resist the temptation to have an affair (After all, I am just a link in the evolutionary chain, right? No, my uncle was not a monkey.)
Maybe the temptation comes in the form of sharing. You find yourself sharing more and more with a person other than your spouse? That sharing time becomes more and more intimate also. Maybe the temptation is in the form of time. You find yourself wanting more and more time alone with someone other than your spouse. During this time alone you find enjoyment so much so that you don’t want to be with your spouse. Maybe the temptation seems to have appeared before you and you know that you did not seek it out but it is there before you. And now this temptation has become an option to you. Maybe the temptation is in the form of revenge. You find yourself wanting to get back at your spouse for not giving you what you believe you deserve. So you find that you are at a place of seeking out something that will devastate your marriage. Whatever the temptation might be, it is there and it is real.
So how do I fight and resist the temptations that wage war on my marriage. I believe there are at least two obvious things that are clearly defined in the Bible that I can do to fight off temptations. One: Resist through submission! The bible tells us in James 4:7 (NIV) to “Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.” Two: When Jesus was tempted by Satan, the Bible tells us that Jesus quoted the Bible right back at Satan to defeat his purposes [See Matthew 4:1-11]. But the key is you have to have the Bible in your heart and mind to do this! Are you having difficulty with temptations? Why not try God’s way? Need to learn more about what the Bible says? Why not try out First Christian Church? We’d love to have you join us!

Marriage Moment #6 - Selfishness

Cats just aren’t right! Have you ever really observed a cat? Cats are focused solely on themselves. The only time they come around is when they want something – typically food. Cats never show up just to be there for you. Cats think they own the world. Now I must admit I do own a cat, but the cat thinks he owns me! My cat tells me when he is hungry. In fact he doesn’t just tell me, truth is he won’t shut up until he is fed. Cats often distance themselves until they want food! I will admit cats do keep the mice away. Sometimes my cat is a pain in the neck, but I still feed and care for the cat. Why do I put up with the cat? I guess the answer is because my kids love the cat.  Okay, and because he keeps the mice and rats away!
Is your marriage similar to what I just described (take out the word ‘cat’ and replace it with ‘my spouse)? If so, you must act now! A marriage that is living out this scenario will ‘simply exist’ or ‘miserably fail’ unless something is done. CAUTION: There is a problem. The problem is that typically cats only know they exist; and they don’t realize that a problem exists. They especially don’t realize that they are the problem! Cats believe they are the only or the important ingredient in the relationship. They believe that everyone is blessed to know and be next to them!
This creates major issues. Often the only way a cat (a.k.a. – your spouse) finds out there is a problem is when a blow up occurs. The healthy thing IS NOT to blow up at your spouse, but to help them see things from a different perspective. King David was confronted with his inappropriate relationship with Bathsheba through a story told by a trusted friend, Nathan the prophet. (You can check out the story in 2 Samuel 12:1-7) Remember; don’t call your spouse a ‘selfish cat’. Don’t attack! Love your spouse through this difficult situation and couple love with patience! Most importantly run to God for guidance and support HE is after all the creator of both marriage and cats. Why not also get support from a loving church family? Why not join us this Sunday?

Marriage Moment #5 - Faithfulness

Dogs are incredibly faithful! You just have to love them for their delight in you. It can’t help but bring a smile to your face. When you arrive at your home after a long day, they can’t contain their excitement. For that matter, you can be gone for only 5 minutes and the response is still the same! They are very glad to see you – no matter what. Why? All you do is pet the dog occasionally, feed the dog regularly, but other than that you don’t give the dog much more. Why do dogs still get so excited to see you? ANSWER: because they aren’t human!
In our marriages we want, we long for; we yearn to have our spouse have this same excitement because we simply show up! Basically, we expect our spouses to behave like dogs – full of excitement simply because we are who we are. But there is a problem! Our spouse doesn’t ‘wag’ his/her tail when they see us after we’ve been gone. Why doesn’t he/she wag her tail after we’ve been gone? ANSWER: because he/she is NOT a dog!
So how can I build a home where it seems like my spouse loves me as much as my dog if not more? I promise you it won’t happen if you treat your spouse like a dog and simply feed him/her and pet him/her occasionally. It requires a commitment to doing and becoming what your spouse needs you to be. Husbands, for us, it is being the one who treats our wives with an enduring unconditional love. It is the main ingredient that most wives need in order to thrive in a relationship. Wives, for all of you, it is being the ones who treat your husband with unconditional respect. This is the main ingredient that most husbands need in order to thrive in a relationship. The Bible commands that the wife respect her husband and for the husband to love the wife. (See Ephesians 5:33)
For more information on this idea check out “Love and Respect” by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs or better yet, why not come and grow in your marriage with us at First Christian Church!

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Marriage Moment #4 - happily or death parting

Have you ever asked yourself, “Why do so many marriages fail?” We live in the greatest country the world has ever known that has everything at its fingertips, yet we can’t figure out a great recipe for a healthy successful marriage! Why? Are we not capable enough to figure it out? Could it be that a big part of the problem is our misconstrued view of marriage? We have romanticized marriage and have changed our focus in marriage. We have left the thought of ‘til death do us part’. Of course ‘til death do us part’ sounds so…‘Old Fashioned, out-dated and it sounds like something my grandparents believed in! This is the millennium age – come on’ And now we have grasped on to ‘happily ever after.’ As long as you are happy and I am happy, we will stay together. As long as you enjoy being married to the man or woman of your dreams it is worth sticking it out together. But as soon as the ‘happily ever after’ has worn off the ‘feelings’ has worn off also. So off we go to the next guy or girl to fulfill our deepest dreams. Isn’t this the real heart of the issue?
Okay, so ask yourself another question: “Where is the line in your marriage?” You know the line in the sand that if your spouse would cross it, your marriage would be over in your mind, hopeless and helpless. If you have a line, you have adopted the conditional ‘happily ever after’ view. If you answered, “there is no line in the sand when it comes to my spouse,” then you have adopted the ‘til death do us part’ view. So do you know what view your spouse has adopted? It might be a great time for you and your spouse to spend some time re-evaluating your view of marriage. Will you join the many who are seeking to make a difference in this world by bringing back the true focus of marriage? I invite you to join with us at First Christian Church where we are “Seeking First” in every area of our lives and especially in our marriages. Seeking God’s view of marriage for our best.

Marriage Moment #3 - forgiveness

Marriage is a place where forgiveness is shines! That shouldn’t seem like such an odd statement, but it is, isn’t it? Why is marriage sometimes the last place forgiveness is given? Have you ever been angry with your spouse because of something they did or did not do? Well yes, who hasn’t? But maybe a better question is: Have you refused to let go of the anger and forgive your spouse no matter what he or she has done? Often we tend to believe the lie that if we are angry enough; long enough our spouse will come to their senses and earn their right back into our graces. The problem is we are seeking to forgive conditionally, saying “I will forgive you if…” The problem is this forgiveness is based on your spouse acting as you think. You cannot expect someone else to think and act like you do even if that someone is your spouse! Many times their action never takes place, so we hold on to our un-forgiveness which brings anger that eventually turns into bitterness.
We also believe that our refusing to forgive is imprisoning our spouse. This is the furthest thing from the truth. Michele Weiner-Davis, says in her (internet) article on “Forgiveness in Marriage,” “Lack of forgiveness imprisons you. It takes its toll on your physical and emotional health. It keeps you stuck in the deepest of relationship ruts. No matter how justified you feel about your point of view regarding your partner's insensitive behavior, you still are miserable. When you wake up each morning, a gray tint shadows your life. You walk around with a low-grade depression. You can't feel joy because you're too busy being angry or feeling disappointed.” Some can relate all to well to the description of misery can’t you? So what are you going to do about it?
In his book Getting rid of the Gorilla, Brian Jones defines forgiveness as ‘release’. When we ‘release’ our spouse we really release ourselves from the prison that we actually built. We build prisons when we don’t forgive and our homes become a place where our spouse (and children) doesn’t want to be. Don’t you want to be free? Don’t you want to be released from the prison you find yourself in? Step up and forgive today. Call your spouse right now and let them know you are sorry for being un-forgiving! If you are interested in the greatest forgiveness ever, why not visit us on Sunday morning?

Marriage Moment #2 - Choices

There are so many choices in life. Do you realize how many choices you make in one day alone? I get to choose my cell phone plan. I get to choose which cell phone is “best for me.” I get to choose what I eat for each meal. I get to choose if I want to eat that meal at home or at a restaurant. I get to choose what I wear (whether it matches or not!) I choose whether or not I want to put a purchase on my credit card or wait until I have the money to buy it ‘the old-fashioned-way.’ I choose what time I get up in the morning. I choose what kind of coffee I want to drink or not drink. I choose if I want to go to work. I choose what I want to do for a living. I choose to be in a good mood or not each day I wake up. I choose how I will treat my kids when I see them first thing in the morning. I choose who I want to marry. And I choose if I want to stay married or not!
Marriage is a constant choice! I wake up each and every day and choose to love my wife (after all she has put up with me for all these years.) But what if I decided not to love her for part of the day, would that make a difference? You bet it would. When I choose to love my wife each day, I choose not look online at inappropriate pictures. When I choose to love my wife each day, I choose not to entertain impure thoughts. When I choose to love my wife each day, I choose to look away when things get flashed across the T.V. screen during half-time of the football game. When I choose to love my wife each day, I choose to battle the world around me. Today, I choose to love my wife – I choose go to battle! What about you? Are you ready to choose? Are you ready to battle? Marriage is at war – I am ready!
As long as we are talking about choosing, how about choosing which church to attend? How about choosing Jesus as the ultimate choice? Why not come and see what God is doing at FCC and ‘choose’ whether or not you agree with who we are and how we live? It might just be the RIGHT CHOICE to bless you marriage! God has made the ultimate choice – and HE chooses you! Why not check HIM out?

Marriage Moment #1

Have you ever noticed that many people have marital problems? Is yours one? No matter what difficulties you might be facing in your marriage, you can still have success with your mate! But it does take an incredible amount determination and sweat to be not just a surviving marriage but a thriving marriage. When every one else is fighting and threatening the “D” word (divorce) you and your spouse can enjoy a marriage that lasts the rest of your lives. Want to know how to have this type of marriage?
It all starts with good communication! It seems so elementary, so why not give it a try? Good communication is the key in 90% of happily married couples (National Survey on Marital Strengths by David H. Olson & Amy K. Olson-Sigg (2000).) When you experience times in your marriage where things don’t seem to be connecting with your spouse there is a communication break-down. The simply steps are to 1.) sit down (after cooling down.) 2.) state your thoughts and feelings in a condense version. 3.) have your spouse repeat back to you EXACTLY what you said. If your spouse can do this without summarizing what they “know you really mean when you say _________” then you are on your way to healthy communication. If your spouse cannot accurately summarize what you said and meant then the communication problem has surfaced its ugly head! You might need to bring in a third party to help mediate through the steps to get you on the right track. Above all – have fun with your communication and grow in this relationship together! Look for more marriage moments soon.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Son Rock Kids Camp

Wow! We just had a great week of V.B.S. I don't think I have EVER yelled that much in my life for one straight week! I was on a teaching team that was basically a drama team. I played the part of someone who yelled everyday. We repeat each skit 5 times a day. So 20x I was an idiot - all for the sake of Jesus. Many would say I have played that part everyday of my life - I'll take that - proudly. We also raised money for a sponsor child through Compassion. Our goal was $500 and we raised $750. It was a competition of boys vs. girls. Guess who was the sponsor for the boys!!! (I will try to get a picture of the pie in the face I took when on the last day the grand total was boys - $349.?? while the girls raised $400.??) The pie was not tasty since it was made of whipped cream mustard and relish (I hate relish and mustard - why relish and mustard.) But the deed is done! Praise God for opportunities to live for HIM in the most unlikely thought of ways!

Monday, July 20, 2009

Rescued!!!

Okay, here's my question...have you ever been rescued? I have needed to be rescued 3 times in my life!
One time was back around 1998-1999? I was at a hotel in Stillwater, OK for a O.C.Y.C. (Oklahoma Christian Youth Convention). My buddy and I were about to get on the elevator when we noticed the sign read "MAXIMUM OCCUPANCY 16". When we were about number 18 & 19 we asked ourselves the question...Should we wait for the elevator to come back? Naaaauuuuggghhhh!!! So we jumped on! Full of teens and us the elevator door closed and started to slowly move (and I mean slowly!) up. It reached about half-way to the second floor and stopped while a siren went off (signaling to the manager the elevator was stuck). We needed rescued in a very humorous way!!1

The next time I needed to be rescued was in August of 2001! I was traveling through the town of Parsons, KS and we had stopped at a convenience store for a bthroom break and drink! I went to the bathroom and locked the door (it was a 'one-at-a-time' bathroom) When it was time to open the door and walk out, the door was stuck!!! I was in a panicky need of being rescued!

But the first time I needed rescued was the day I was brought in to this world. NO, there is no tragic story of how I almost died because of delivery complications. But this is the story of how I almost died and spent eternity in the wrong place had I not been rescued! The weird thing is that I was rescued before I was ever born! (Figure that out!) God knew my state before I was in it! God sent the Rescuer - Jesus Christ to reach down (from the cross) and pick me up from the sesspool I was in. The sesspool known as this 'present evil age'! (Check out Galatians 1:4!)

Praise, Glory and Honor to the King at rescuing people!

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

What is God doing to me?

I think a common blog post beginning has to be: "I am sorry it has been so long since I posted!" So since it is probably the most common, I am not going to start that way...

I truly feel as though God has been placing in my path many things to convict and challenge my Christianity. I don't think I am headed for Hell or anything, but I do believe that I have been raised with a misconception about life with Jesus. Let me update you on what I have been reading. I have in the last two months read "Crazy Love, by Francis Chan" (a must read for everyone beleiver), and 'The Present Future" (another great read for those frustrated with Christianity as we know of it today - but caution...it is disturbing! True, but disturbing!) I am also reading "Preaching from my Feet" (a great challenge for all who preach - I recommend it as well!) Along with all of that I am reading "One Month to Live" while the church where I serve is preparing to spend 6 weeks going through this together beginning in September. All this to say, I am convinced that the church needs a over-haul, make-over, and a bath!

While I don't question my relationship with God to be genuine or not, I do question the church's misunderstanding of what the Church is to be about. We seem to have forgotten HIS purpose for the Church and have turned it into "my" church. I am so sick of hearing people complain because their comfort level is disturbed because of changes. HELLO! It was never your church to begin with. God wants it back! I challenge you to read these books mentioned and tell me your thoughts on the subject. I wonder if I am alone? Is anyone else bothered by what we call church? Is anyone else seeking to live as if Jesus did die for them too? I have resolved to live differently. I seek to no longer live as I have and I am expecting the true followers to stand up too! There is much to do and so little time. To GOD be the glory! Amen.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Crazy Love book

How many blog posts start with, 'I know I haven't updated in a while...sorry...'? This is one of those blogs...

I have been reading the book 'Crazy Love' by Francis Chan. I got to tell you - I love it. Why is it that we read something that should be simple truths to believers and yet we find it profound. This is the first book I have ever known to have a online video intro. to each chapter. This I believe is very cool! I guess what impresses me most is the humble attitude that comes across in his (Francis) approach to life with God. He sends a message that he is just like me - I don't know about you, but I connect to that. If you get a chance check out his book and website. www.crazylovebook.com - I think you will enjoy it immensely!

On another note, I feel like God has really been preparing me for something lately. I am not sure what it is, but I have been drawn to pray for guidance more and more in my role as a pastor/preacher/leader! Who knows what God has in store? But I am excited about the journey that's coming!