Marriage Moment #3 - forgiveness

Marriage is a place where forgiveness is shines! That shouldn’t seem like such an odd statement, but it is, isn’t it? Why is marriage sometimes the last place forgiveness is given? Have you ever been angry with your spouse because of something they did or did not do? Well yes, who hasn’t? But maybe a better question is: Have you refused to let go of the anger and forgive your spouse no matter what he or she has done? Often we tend to believe the lie that if we are angry enough; long enough our spouse will come to their senses and earn their right back into our graces. The problem is we are seeking to forgive conditionally, saying “I will forgive you if…” The problem is this forgiveness is based on your spouse acting as you think. You cannot expect someone else to think and act like you do even if that someone is your spouse! Many times their action never takes place, so we hold on to our un-forgiveness which brings anger that eventually turns into bitterness.
We also believe that our refusing to forgive is imprisoning our spouse. This is the furthest thing from the truth. Michele Weiner-Davis, says in her (internet) article on “Forgiveness in Marriage,” “Lack of forgiveness imprisons you. It takes its toll on your physical and emotional health. It keeps you stuck in the deepest of relationship ruts. No matter how justified you feel about your point of view regarding your partner's insensitive behavior, you still are miserable. When you wake up each morning, a gray tint shadows your life. You walk around with a low-grade depression. You can't feel joy because you're too busy being angry or feeling disappointed.” Some can relate all to well to the description of misery can’t you? So what are you going to do about it?
In his book Getting rid of the Gorilla, Brian Jones defines forgiveness as ‘release’. When we ‘release’ our spouse we really release ourselves from the prison that we actually built. We build prisons when we don’t forgive and our homes become a place where our spouse (and children) doesn’t want to be. Don’t you want to be free? Don’t you want to be released from the prison you find yourself in? Step up and forgive today. Call your spouse right now and let them know you are sorry for being un-forgiving! If you are interested in the greatest forgiveness ever, why not visit us on Sunday morning?